Around The Way Girls

Nightswimming

I have always been a bit of a romantic, a sentimentalist who enjoys looking backwards from behind rose-colored glasses. With a milestone birthday arriving this year, I find myself being particulary caught under the spell of warm and welcome nostalgia.

Certain songs can bring me right back, like audio time machines, I am instantly transported to a moment and place. I spent a semester in Ireland. Six months in a somewhat ancient world that was all new for me.

There was a weekend trip to the Aran Islands. A cold, January excursion to Inishmore with new friends. I felt like I was perched at the edge of the world. We took an evening walk onto the beach. The strand of sand was illuminated by a full moon that shone like a spotlight on the waves of the cold Irish Sea.

I can't remember how the idea first came to us or who thought of it, but something in the air and in the moonlight was spellbinding and convincing enough that running, naked, into the cold, wintry, Irish water was the most appropriate and necessary thing for a bunch of girls to do.

"Nightswimming" brings me right back in an split instant to that crystal-clear moment of youthful exuberance. Plunging, laughing, shrieking into the icy water, with no concern for modesty or practicality. Far from home, ripe with possibility and full of ambition.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.

With the opening notes, I can taste the salt water on my skin and get goosebumps from the frigid air. I smile thinking about the naked abandon, literally, that overtook us for just a few moments. Pure joy.

These things, they go away, replaced by everyday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx9br5ISRpo

Feeling Sassy!

This post from GoodFoodStories.com brought back some great vibes and memories about Sassy magazine. It feeds right into the current nostaglia trip I am on about the early '90s. Those were good times.

http://www.goodfoodstories.com/2012/01/16/eat-this-sassy-magazine/

Words From The "Executive Producer"

This is a guest post from the executive producer of theBusDrivaChronicles, but you guys can just call me Eli. Many people don’t know this, but theBusDrivaChronicles is actually part of a network of blogs, it’s not the biggest and it’s not the smallest, but for some reason it requires the most amount of attention and hand holding in order to get anything done. Now you can imagine my surprise when I logged on Monday morning, and had a look at what is apparently our “flagship endeavor” around here, only to see that the entire post was about me. And not how great I am, or how lenient I am, or anything positive like that. Instead it was about how I am currently caught up, so to speak, in a war of words with the self-titled “Peoples Blogger”. Now I’m smart enough to know that you don’t really want to argue with Brad, seeing as though he’s an only child, and doesn’t really have anything better to do then drag out these affairs until you finally get bored, and give up. That of course is when he starts gloating about how “that’s right”, and “next time just listen to me” blah blah blah, and a whole bunch of other irrelevant trash talking nonsense that doesn’t even make sense. I also know better than to get into a pissing match with him, I won’t sit here and name call or down right make fun of him, we will save that for the “Drama Queen” over there himself, since he’s much better at it then all of us are put together. Instead I was thinking about the best way to handle this little situation we have on our hands. A sit down would have been a good idea, if of course we were dealing with a somewhat mature individual, which is just not the case. Maybe some sort of disciplinary action? Yeah right, this guy thrives on the threat of discipline. No, I thought the best way to rebut his statements was to sit down at his desk, take over his forum, and counter his allegations maturely and with facts and truth. Then let you decide who’s right and who’s wrong. So here’s what I’ve done. I’ve restricted his access, and won’t change it back until this post gets X amount of views. That way he will have no choice but to flyer his Facebook page, his twitter and his BBM list, like he normally does, to promote my side of the story. I mean after all its only fair right? When we get to X amount of views, I’ll change his access back, and we can go on with the show, as Brad would say. I know what you’re thinking, this isn’t the first time I’ve changed his password on him, so why doesn’t Brad just change it so I don’t know it. LOL, to know the answer to the question would mean you would really have to know Brad. All of his passwords are the same, and have always been the same, much to my chagrin. I tell him all the time to change them periodically, and mix them up, but he is worried that he won’t remember them. It all goes back to his very first computer in the mid 90’s. A computer BTW I should mention, I got for him. I think it was 1994, and I upgraded at the house, and asked him if he wanted my old 386, which at the time was a decent piece of equipment. He said sure, and I came over to his place, and we set it up. Now he had this little black book he used to keep for his “girls”, but it was more than just a phone book, it had codes, a starring system, “other notes” if you will. And he spent the next month imputing as well as expanding all these entries into the computer. Then, and till this day I don’t know why, he decided to password protect it. To be honest, I don’t even know how he figured out how to password protect it, but he did. Shortly after, I guess he was looking for a date, or as Brad would say “something to poke on”. Yes, he still said that, even almost 20 years ago, he really hasn’t changed all that much. But he couldn’t get into the protected file and called me freaking out. I laughed, jumped on the bus, came over and fixed it for him, and then made fun of him for it for a very long time. Since then, he uses the same password all the time, everywhere. I even recently got him a password keeper program, although I doubt he uses it. He probably can’t figure out how to unzip and install it. Which brings me to my first point, has anyone bothered to ask why he has such a mammoth computer for? There is no need in the world for him to have a computer like he has. The guy watches old school hip hop videos on YouTube, porn (and lots of it) and writes a Blog once a week. Yet he bought the biggest, flashiest and most expensive computer he could get his hands on. And he has no idea how to use it. Every other week I get a BBM saying, “Eli, my fucking computer is messed again. I need one of you tech geeks to get down here and fix it”. That’s actually Brad being somewhat nice, so I send a guy out there. One week, it wouldn’t turn on, the tech got all the way up there and all he had to do was plug it in. Why you would ever unplug your computer in the first place, I have no idea, and Brad couldn’t answer that either. Do you see what I have to deal with around here?

Alright so let’s start with his office, since he cries about it every other week. He does have one, in fact I’m in it right now. To be honest it’s not the biggest office we have here, but on the flip side, the guy comes down once a month, if that, and works from home the rest of the time, so why should he be entitled to the bigger offices with the nice views. That said, it’s not exactly the “mop closet” he insists that it is either. A lot of people would love to have an office like this, although I doubt it would kill him to dust it once in a while. The cleaning ladies refuse to come in here because once they moved his chairs around and OCD boy snapped on them for not putting them back exactly where they were. Hey, do you want to know why he doesn’t come down here? He will lead you to believe that its way out of the way for him, but the truth is he doesn’t drive anywhere south of Finch Ave. and never has. He is afraid to drive in downtown Toronto, because “the streets are so narrow, traffic is too chaotic and there are way too many people walking around”. May I remind you, this is a guy that drives a bus for a living, yet he’s afraid of narrow roads and traffic? He parks at the station and takes the subway down. No wonder it takes him forever to get here. He did drive south of Finch a couple of times, made it to Sheppard even, of course that was to see a girl, that apparently ended up getting sick of his crap and moved on, so I doubt he will do it again anytime soon.

What else did he cry about? Oh yeah, business cards and coffee mugs. For the former, I gave him an order form back in October, and he filled it in and submitted it to me. When I asked him to correct a mistake he made, he refused. It said “in what colour”, he checked both “Eggshell”, and “White”. I told him he had to pick one or the other, and he said he “wanted a blend”. I shook my head and tried to explain why that wasn’t possible, and in true “Diva” fashion he yelled out "Fuck that, make it happen”, and stormed out of the office. His order form is still sitting here in his inbox, not corrected, probably not even touched since, and that’s why he doesn’t have business cards yet. As for the coffee mugs, I thought that was a great idea, I did some research and sent him some forms to order them. He originally wanted 12, then it was 13, then it was 24, then 40. And not all in one colour either, 1 blue and green mug for someone in San Francisco, 6 pink mugs, 6 black, 2 in this colour, and 1 in that etc. etc. I repeatedly told him you’re not going to find anyone that is going to fill a ridiculous order like that, pick a colour, and order them. The usual, “I’m the Busdriva, they should be glad to fill my order” song and dance followed, further illustrating that there’s just no reasoning with this man. And the order form for the coffee mugs is still sitting right here, right on top of the business cards form. And speaking of forms, every time there is something to fill out, everyone in the office does it electronically and submits it, but for some reason Brad insists that he gets an actual form, fills in it by hand, and physically has to hand it in to someone. Whenever anyone asks him why he insists on do things the old fashioned way, he just says, “haven’t you seen I,Robot? This is how it begins”. Seriously, this is what I deal with.

His Twitter account, LMAO, this argument always makes me laugh. He wants a verified check beside his name so bad, but it’s just not going to happen. That’s on Twitter, not on me. Verified accounts are only for “high ranking” celebrities, not “in your own mind” celebrities. I told him he can apply for one but without a whole lot of followers you’re more than likely not to get one. And last time I checked 37 followers wasn’t a whole lot of followers. Brad can stomp his feet and yell as loud as he wants, but he just doesn’t get that Twitter doesn’t care about his only child routine. He is either going to have to get about 999,963 more followers or just get over it.

Yes, I have his “If I Ruled The World” post, and no I’m not holding it down as some sort of repression or whatever he wants to lead you to believe. I’m sitting on it because I’m tired of talking to him about checking spelling and proof reading his stuff before he hands it in. How is someone so articulate and well-spoken such a horrendous speller? When I open the file all I see are Microsoft’s little squiggly lines everywhere. Red ones, blue ones and yellow ones, and seriously, I don’t even know what the yellow ones are for, and can’t for the life of me find out. So apparently he screwed something up really bad. I ask him if maybe he didn’t see them there, and he says “fuck Microsoft, they’re idiots, spelling is cool”. Yeah, trust me, dealing with him gets somewhat redundant now and again. So I told him, when you spell check it properly, you let me know, and we can go from there. As a “man of principle”, he refuses. The post is actually really good, could be one of his best, but his own stubbornness is what is holding it back, not me.

As for his ramifications, let’s face it, he’s not going anywhere. Yeah yeah, a lot of people would love to have his name and his brand in their stable, but he is a Princess plain and simple, and he knows it. He also knows no one except a longtime friend of 20 years would put up with his crap. In fact, I actually enjoy his crap, to an extent. It’s actually a nice break in the day, a refuge from reality if you will. If I didn’t know him as well as I did, I wouldn’t believe that he thinks the way he does, but he actually does think differently than the rest of us, and it shows in his writings. And yes, we do go that far back, which makes this feud he’s starting even funnier. He forgets that in grade nine I used to cut his hair and we used to put crazy designs in it, and if I look hard enough I can probably find pictures. He forgets that I took him to get his first tattoo, and yes he cried like a baby. He forgets how many times I was the “designated driver” and he had WAY TOO much to drink, and all the crazy things I convinced him to do at 4 in the morning. I could write a book on this guy that would absolutely bury him. Why would he start a beef with me? And if I did put out a book, his days of serial dating would be over, which leads me to my final point. Out of all these girls he blogs about dating, has anyone seen any of them? We know Brad doesn’t use names and that’s fine, but maybe a picture or any proof at all that they actually do exist? And let’s say for argument he does date this many beautiful women, has anyone ever noticed that he never talks about a second date with any of them? I’ll leave that to your interpretation.

Is this thing on?

So, that was a longer break than I anticipated. I think my brain, or at least the part that can write more than a pithy Facebook status, took an extended hibernation for the past year.

I must pause now and take a moment to mourn all the brilliant musings and random thoughts that popped up and that I failed to capture and write down.

Some of them were epic. It is amazing what brilliance I am capable of while washing the dishes or stumbling down the hall at 2:00 a.m. to respond to baby #3's cries. But, during the day, while trying to be a fully-formed adult? Well, 2011 was a bit of a wash-out.

Onward, now then, near voyager, to 2012. The New Year's resolution gauntlet has been thrown down. Let the blogging commence.

There's Trouble A Brewin..............

I’d LIKE to talk about a lot of things this week. LIKE being the operative word. I’d like to talk about this new book I’m reading, and how it’s stretching, strengthening and toning my mind in ways my mind has never been worked before. But I can’t do that. I’d like to talk about a date I was recently on, or at least I thought it was a date, but apparently it was just an extendo booty call of sorts, and how I feel about it, since I was (am) actually kind of fond of this chick. But I can’t do that either. I’d like to share a couple of stories from the bus, as this week was exceedingly cold, and people were most definitely in a “mood” which always leads to great fodder, or how I went to No Frills, and got ripped a new one by the cashier because I didn’t get the toilet paper that was on sale, or maybe give my thoughts on the NFL playoffs thus far, maybe even a prediction or two, but no, I can’t get into any of that this week. This week I can’t talk about any of the things I want to talk about, because something has come up that desperately needs to be aired out and addressed. For once and for all, ramifications all be damned. What I need to go in on this week, is a common enemy you and I both share. A man that sticks his head where it doesn’t belong time and time again. A man who thinks he is very much larger than the entity itself. A man that goes out of his way to make life hell for your favorite blogger, limiting and hampering the very creative juices that make this blog not only a destination on the internet, but in a lot of cases THE destination on the internet for some 400 plus readers a week. A man, that through whatever limited role he plays, seems to think that without himself, you and I would be without as well, thinks he is a spoke in the wheel, as opposed to the pothole that that wheel actually roles over, and thinks that he is the reason we all gather around our computers, tablets and phones every week to come together and revel in what can only be considered as ground breaking, earth shattering, hell raising, sun moon and stars type written offerings. Who is this man you ask? Well it’s no other then The Executive Producer of the BusDrivaChronicles himself of course.

Now it’s no secret trouble has been brewing around here for some time. You needed go further than the pages of this very blog itself to find out how not only him, but that whole damn production team treats me around here. They all seem to forget, I’m the personality in this, not them. Not them with their little iPad’s, and their Android phones, and their stupid Bluetooth things hanging out of their ears, running around and making lots of money and shit. No one cares about any of that crap, or maybe they do, but they sure as hell don’t when I have something to say, that’s for damn sure. People come to this blog for ME. Period. No comma, no exception, they come for ME. So why is it that I get the mop closet of an office? Why is it I don’t get invited out to play mini golf? Do I need to trade in my BlackBerry, get one of those stupid ear pieces and wear tight pants so that I can go to that queer ass deli they all go to for lunch every damn day? Maybe they all need to learn a thing or two about supply and demand. Because without me, what they have left over to supply sure as shit isn’t being demanded anywhere I know of.

So this is what happened, and I’ll be the first to admit, the spark that set off this raging war was somewhat petty. But in all its pettiness is revealed just how deep the waters of anger really are. We all know I don’t go down to the office very often, but the other day they were filling out brackets for the NFL playoffs, and any time a guy like me gets to fill out brackets with a bunch of computer geeks, all I can think about is “easy money”. So I went down there. As I’m there filling out my sheets he sees me and asks me to “step in his office, for a brief word”. That’s never a good thing, right? So I go in and he says “shut the door please”. The only time I close doors is when I go to sleep, other than that I’m an open door kind of guy, so I refuse. He says fine. Then he asks me if I got his email the other day. The email in question was a bitch move entirely. He sent me an email at 4 in the morning with tips on how I should improve MY blog. Not his blog, MY blog. I said “yeah I got it, and…….” He says, “Well why didn’t you respond?” So I go on to explain that at the time I got the email I was in the middle of reading an extensive philosophical essay titled “The Finger and The Moon” that basically explains in detail the confusion people endure whilst trying to follow a religion, or religions for that matter, mired in contradictions and inconsistencies, and how they usually end up just being lead with little to no understanding of said religion at all. He didn’t care. He says again “Why didn’t you respond?” I said “Meat head, I WAS READING!!!!” Well that didn’t go over to good, and we got to yelling. In fact we were going back and forth so hard and so loud that everyone in the entire office was standing around the open office door hanging on to every word, wondering if punches were about to be thrown. And I mean everyone. The whole team, the receptionists, the cleaning crew, and even the guy who fills the pop machine were standing by in anticipation. It was almost Mayweather Pacquiao in there. Finally, the repair guy, who happened to be there to fix the sauna, and who just happens to be about twice the size of both of us put together came in and broke it up. Not because he cared, but because Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance” came on the radio, and he couldn’t hear it over our screaming. Good thing for the Executive Producer that the repair guy likes his Whitney Houston because I was ready to lay a beating on him too.

My Side of The Story

There are a handful of things that he has done, is doing, and apparently will continue to do that drive me up the wall, show complete disrespect and display nothing but abuse of (alleged) power on a regular basis. I’m going to list just three of these situations, so you can better understand exactly what kind of shit it is I have to put up with regularly around this dump.

Business Cards and Coffee Mugs

-How long have you and I been doing this for now? About 5 months or so, right? When we first started this thing I told him I wanted some business cards made up, for promotional purposes (and for picking up chicks of course), he said “that’s a good idea, I’m on it.” Fast forward to present day, still no business cards. Whenever I bring it up to him, he gives me some song and dance about how they are “re-branding the parent company” and once they get that sorted out my business cards will become a priority. Excuse me, but what the fuck does the parent company have to do with my blog? I don’t want anything on these cards except the www, the email address and the twitter name. Don’t water my shit down with whatever else you have on the go, we are here to promote me, not you’re other endeavors. It’s all about pecking order here, and I’m the driving force behind everything else you have in the works, or at least that’s what I was told when I signed my contract to do this damn thing in the first place.

-On the plane back from Cancun in November, I took briefs periods off from day dreaming about San Fran, so I could brainstorm ways to make the blog a little more special, perhaps a Christmas promotion of some sort. When I got off the plane I immediately called him to find out where my limo was, because whenever a celebrity gets off a plane there is supposed to be a limo waiting for him (apparently this guy doesn’t watch Entourage), and after he tells me to call a cab, and no I’m allowed to expense it, I tell him my idea. For Christmas I wanted to do a promo where the first 12 people who emailed me with a blog topic got a BusDrivaChronicles coffee mug. I would then take the 12 people’s ideas, and the first week of every month for all of 2012 would be “The People’s Choice” post’s. Bringing the title “the people’s blogger” to heights previously unimaginable. Do you remember hearing me announce that contest? No you don’t. Do you want to know why? Because I’m still waiting on my fucking coffee mugs, that’s why.

Twitter/Facebook

-One of the things he is always on my ass about is tweeting. We get emails daily begging, pleading even, for me to tweet more. Well, here’s the skinny on that folks, a long time ago I told him I wanted one of those verified checks beside my name, so that the people would know it is in fact me they are following and not some knock off imposter just posing to be the BusDriva. He said he will look into it. Now I’m no fool and I’ve fallen for that before, so I took a stand. If there is one thing the Executive Producer hates, it’s Facebook. He and Zuckerburg have some history, and although he has never fully told anyone the story, speculation around the water cooler is that he was a forefather of Facebook Canada, but left due to creative indifference. That comes as no shock to anyone, does it? So in retaliation for him not taking my request seriously, until I get a verified check beside my Twitter name, I decided that I will just use Facebook for my updates and thoughts, which I like better anyway for 2 reasons. One because sometimes my wit and creativity just can’t be contained in 120 characters, and two, because he hates it.

If I Ruled The World

-In the early part of December I did a post titled “If I Ruled the World”, and yes, it’s about as good as you are thinking it will be, maybe even better in fact. Since it’s somewhat controversial, and my contractual obligation states “any controversial posts must be submitted and cleared by both the legal department and the public relations department before being released”, I submitted it for approval. It’s been over a month now. How long does it take to rubber stamp that bitch in two cubicles, and give it the green light? This post could very well go on to become the biggest and best post in blogging history, it could dwarf “It”, and even knock the “Shit That Annoys Me” trilogy right out of the water. And after my Rob Ford post, how could anything I submit possibly get held up by red tape? This is either censorship in its purest form, or its one man purposely holding another man down, for no other reason than resentfulness. I’m starting to think “If I Ruled the World” will become to me, what the “Detox” album has become to Dr. Dre. Highly, HIGHLY anticipated, but never released. And that’s just downright unacceptable.

His Side of The Story

Fuck him. Who the hell cares.

Ramifications

The bottom line here folks is respect. That’s all I or anyone else could ever ask for. Yet I’m not getting it. Why I’m not getting it, I have no idea. All I do around here is pour blood, sweat and tears into this blog week after endless week. And let’s not forget, this is a side job for me, I have a full time job as well. I also have a gym to go to daily, and a personal life that doesn’t manage or run itself. Heaven forbid I should want to get my hair cut or have a little sex somewhere along the line. But I show up, every seven to ten days, rain hail or snow to bring you exactly what you want, and want you deserve. I go out of my way to make both this blog and my Facebook page an escape for you, an escape from your regular daily routine. A place where you can go and forget about whatever it is that boils your blood, or whatever it is, that plainly you just want an escape from. Maybe it’s the wife (or husband) and kids, maybe it’s the housework, maybe it’s the weather, maybe its work. You always know you can turn to me, because I’m always up to something, not because I enjoy being up to shit, but because you need me to be up to shit. And during this whole process the Executive Producer cashes in. He cashes in on my exploits, on my words, and on my readers faithful followship. Your loyalty is something I take very seriously, yet to him, you and I both are just a payday, a mortgage payment, office lease, car note, gas money AND beer money. We are that bloody big! You’d think he would go out of his god damn way to get me a verified check beside my god damn Twitter name and some god damned coffee mugs wouldn’t you?

I’ll tell you, things are going to change around here, and change fast, or else the results will be simple. I’ll take my ball, and my 400 plus weekly readers, and go somewhere else and play. Together you and I have created a brand that any number of people would love to host. People that would have business cards delivered to my front door the next day. People that wouldn’t hold up posts because they are “controversial” whaa whaa whaa, “you mentioned religion” whaa whaa whaa, “called out racism” whaa whaa whaa. People that would care about the time and effort I put in here, and the time and effort you, my readers take to stop by and read. And when I go, what’s he got left? Is he going to do this blog by himself? What’s the BusDrivaChronicles without a BusDriva? What is he going to call it? “TheChronicles”? Oh, that’s attractive, I can’t wait to check those stats. Maybe he will become the personality here. Won’t that be something? Then he can call it “TheLittleManWithNapoleonSyndromeChronicles” or maybe “ComputerGeekWithASmallPenisChronicles”. He can talk about programming, and World of WarCraft and entertaining shit like that. I’ll tell you this much, if I don’t get a verified check, some business cards, a box of coffee mugs and some god damn respect, we will all find out what he’s going to do and what he’s going to call it then, wont we?