The dryer at the house is broken. So this morning, I packed up the dirty clothes, grabbed the soap and the bounce, and took the show on the road. Good thing I brought the laptop as well, because if there is one thing I learned today, it’s that people at the laundry mat are just down right miserable. With the exception of course, of the little Korean lady that runs this place, she’s actually pretty awesome. And for a lady in her mid, I would say, 40’s, not too hard on the eyes either. Her husband is usually kicking around somewhere too, his name is Champ, and he’s always got a little bounce in his step, which leads me to believe she handles her bedroom business just as good as she throws a one inch cuff in a pair of slacks. Good thing for Champ, hitting other people’s girls is my old bad habit, otherwise he’d be bounce less, and I would have to go all the way across town to get my clean on. Anyway, back to the other three people in here, I’ve said hi, waved or smiled at each one of them, and not one has acknowledged me. I’m starting to figure out, while this may be a mild inconvenience for me, a field trip of sorts if you will, having to come here every week always and forever must really suck nuts. One lady in particular though, we were using washing machines right next to each other, when she looked at me, in what I thought to be acknowledgment, so I said, all fun and stuff, “Let’s do some laundry!!”, while I stuffed my clothes in the washer, smiling. Nothing at all, not even anything resembling a response from her, but don’t worry, she will get hers soon enough I’m sure. So much for trying to have some fun while I’m here, I guess its remote blog time. Which is kind of a fun idea, no research, no particular topic, just you and me, having a little one sided conversation. I’ll just freestyle it, we’ll tell some stories, maybe a dirty joke or two, and just for good measure I brought my musings pad along with me. For those of you who don’t know, I keep a pad in my pocket at work, and when something pops into my head, I jot it down, 9 months later, voila….. musings are born. I don’t have as many ideas in there as I would like, but I brought the pad anyway, just in case I have to fill some space. Ok, to be truthful, I didn’t bring the pad, I just didn’t empty out my work shirt pockets when I threw my clothes in the basket, and I stumbled upon it right now, thankfully of course, before it got washed, and my ideas would have been lost forever. But either way, it’s here, I’m here, you’re here, and what the hell else do we need? Maybe a bit of Jell-o, and the Footloose soundtrack, and then we’re really having a party! There’s another pretty good reason for doing a remote post. I’ve been doing a bit of research, at the beck and call of the Executive Producer of TheBusDrivaChronicles (the ball breaking prick, who has time to do research?), and from what I’ve read, the key to a good blog is the personal touch. Apparently people want to know the blogger not just for what he writes, but for who he is, and posts like this, mailbags, and week in reviews do just that. Don’t let the blog become a newspaper, but at the same time don’t let it become a daily diary. Or some shit like that. At least that’s what I had to promise I took from our little exercise before he would let me log off of Skype, seriously, who is this guy. There’s nothing worse on this planet than a boss with nothing better to do. More on that meeting in a bit though, let’s talk.So what’s going on? Oh I know, the new Batman movie is coming out soon. And by soon I mean like 6 months or something stupid like that. Why do they do that? Tell me about the movie like a week, week and a half before it comes out. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to walk around with an erection for 6 months? It’s only slightly more embarrassing than getting an erection over a Batman movie in the first place. Speaking of erections, Cat woman?? I can almost guarantee that no one will see the actual suit until you see the movie. It will never make the trailers. It’s just too big of a draw. You know Christopher Nolan won’t let us down, and I can hardly wait for Hallowe’en already. What did let me down though is that during the previews I’ve watched, they keep telling me this is going to be the final installment. I don’t appreciate that at all. I know that it has to end eventually, but I don’t want to know when, and I certainly don’t want to know this early. Let’s set up a metaphor for how I’m feeling about this. Let’s say you’re dating this ridiculously bomb blonde Asian chick, who’s got tons of money, a mean Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8 that she lets you push, a bad ass condo close to your work, with a full gym downstairs, complete with pool, steam room, and hot tub. And this chick is a giver. If you see it in porn and it turns you on, she’s doing it, repeatedly, with blatant disregard for her own satisfaction. The chick can cook her ass off too, and although she’s in incredibly amazing shape, her dinner interests are pretty much kept at anything deep fried, greasy, or of course pizza. Never anything fancy or unpronounceable and certainly none of those annoying ass vegetables. And to top it all off, she can rub a back like a back was meant to be rubbed. Now, out of nowhere one day, she says she has a twin sister, no wait, TWO twin sisters, and they are identical in every way possible. And this weekend you had better take some sick days, because they are all coming over, and the four of you are going to go through the entire Kama Sutra until you nail every position in there perfectly. You will stop only to check sports scores, BBM the guys with pics, and eat fresh fruit and BLT”S with extra bacon. Here’s the catch though, after that weekend, the relationship is over. Done. Break up city. How you would feel before the weekend is how I feel about knowing The Dark Knight is ending. I don’t want to know about it now, let me have my weekend of bliss, and just flash “THE END” when it’s done. It’s going to be tough to enjoy with this information up front. I mean, I’ll enjoy the hell out of it, but I really wish I didn’t have that tidbit of news. With all that said though, Bane looks like he is going to be monster, and Christian Bale, who happens to be one of my favorite actors, looks like he, as usual is bringing his A game. I can’t wait.
Landry Mat update: The lady who didn’t find me funny? Well, she just dropped a whole basket of folded laundry on the floor and now has to re fold it all. Looking at these floors, I would probably be inclined to re wash them as well. Do you still think I have no say in the power of balance in the universe? That’s what you get for not being impressed by Mr. Personality over here.These dryers are massive. I kind of want to crawl into one of them, they are that big. If someone else was here with me I probably would, and get them to turn it on, and see if I tumble. That would be pretty damn hilarious
Oh, and Champ may have been reading over my shoulder when I was talking about his wife. He is just standing in the corner staring at me, and stretching. There’s a very good chance I’m going to get a serious beating when I walk out of here. Oh well, that’s the price you pay for cutting edge journalism I suppose.Hey, let’s talk about that meeting I had with the team a little bit more. So I get an email saying I have to come down to the office for some meeting about direction with the blog, and feedback, and ideas, and blah blah blah. But I didn’t believe it. I thought I was getting fired, primarily because it was CC’d to everyone I answer to around here. And secondarily because I probably should be fired before I get us into any kind of serious trouble. I’m still waiting on them to get back to me with my “If I ruled the world” post that I submitted and never heard back on. Ya, it’s that controversial. Hopefully I’ll have it back by next week, because I’ve been dyeing to post that one. But I get this email, saying I have to come down there and have a sit down. Now, for those of you who don’t know, I work 35 minutes away from where I live, slightly to the west. TheBusDrivaChronicles office is located right downtown, slightly to the east. That’s basically a whole day of driving, before I go to work and drive all night long there, and just to get fired? I figured, screw that, I’ll Skype in, and they can fire me online. So the meeting was scheduled for 1pm, at 1:20pm I logged on, and would you believe it, no one was even surprised. Pfft, like they even know me. But it turns out I’m not getting fired, yet, and they actually wanted to discuss ideas, go through some feedback, and do a couple little exercises like the one I told you about earlier. One of the main ideas they have is BusDriva TV. They want to do a VLOG once a month. And if it works out, maybe start a page specifically dedicated to it. I’m not really sure how much spare time they think I have on my hands, but I do like the idea. Something we discussed is that I have a unique way of talking, whereas my delivery and intonation say as much as my words do, and once in a while it gets lost in translation when I write it down. It’s something that apparently those that know me well can really identify with, and it’s a problem that will be avoided by VLOG’ing. The problems we discussed was accessibility, will everyone be able to view the VLOG on whatever browser or phone they are using, and what would we use to upload it. When I suggested YouTube everyone laughed, and said that’s a stupid idea. I guess I’m not smart enough to know why, but I am smart enough to know that they are all computer geeks, and computer geeks are gay anyway. Screw it, it’s there problem not mine. If they do figure it out, we could have some serious fun though. Maybe do a VLOG from the bus itself? What about a live from the BeerFest VLOG, or a coffee shop edition? San Francisco anyone? If I go down there to VLOG, they would have to foot the bill, right? First class all the way, baby. Stay tuned, I’ll keep you posted as things develop.
But hey, listen, I got to wrap things up here, my clothes are dry, and Champ must have went for lunch, or to get weapons or something, so I gotta make a run for it while he’s stepped out, I got a date this evening, and I don’t feel like showing up with a black eye. I’ll drop a few musings for you to read, and then I’ll make a dash for the door, screw the OCD, I’ll fold the clothes at home. Before you go any further get back to Facebook and hit the share button, views were down last week, and The Boss didn’t not bring that up, a bunch of times……… Hang in there, and I’ll see you next week……………Musings…………………………
I have no idea what the difference is between a scarf and a pashmina, and too be honest, I’m just fine with that………………………….One thing that really annoys the shit out of me is when people update their BBM, Facebook and Tweet the same thing at the same time constantly. How do you spell overkill?.........................If you’re looking for a great porn site check out Video Diva, they have everything. Yes even that. Shit, mom, skip that one……………………………….The next time you have some prescription narcotics laying around, or non-prescription, if that’s what you do, do yourself a favor, double the dose, and watch A Clockwork Orange. Thank me later……………………..This week’s blog love goes out to tdotlive.com if it’s hip, urban, or relative to Toronto, you’ll find it here. That’s the nephews’ site, and he keeps it going real strong, have a look around next time you get a chance……………………….Can we stop calling it a glove compartment sometime soon? I don’t even think since its inception a single person has ever once put a pair of gloves in there. There must be a more fitting name. If we use my car as the template, it would be called “the cologne and Viagra compartment”………………………………..So this Russian lady gets on the bus wearing a fur coat. I say, “wow, nice coat”, she says “it’s Chinchilla”, I say “really”, and she says “feel it”. So I run my hand along the lapel, which of course is located directly above her breast. I say “ooohhhh”, she says “right? So soft and warm”, I say “the jacket is nice too!” She giggles and blushes. How is it I’m not disciplined severely on a daily basis?.............................. A girl with a nose ring is sexy. A girl with a Labret piercing might be a little sexier. A girl with a tongue ring, well, you know. But when a girl has all three, she just looks ridiculous, and needs to bring it down a notch. Knock it off, your over accesorizing………………………………..One thing I’m figuring out, mail order brides seem to look a little less expensive with every date I go on…………………………………….There’s a really big difference between a psychiatrist and a counselor. A psychiatrist can get up off the pad and prescribe something to calm you down, where as a counselor teaches you coping techniques. I seriously need to think about making a change, because counting to ten and thinking about the colour green really isn’t fucking cutting it anymore…………………You can say what you want about country music, but Montgomery Gentry is just great drinking music…………………………………………There’s a reader out there that constantly calls me pretentious, right to my face even. So let’s clear this up once and for all right now. There is absolutely nothing deceptive about my air of importance. Good, that’s all cleared up………………….I really want a Segway……………………………………………It’s actually probably a good thing I’m not a Jedi because I would take “abuse of power” to a whole other level. Forget light sabers and mentally moving objects, that mind manipulation thing could make for some seriously enjoyable evenings……………………………………………
