Words From The "Executive Producer"

This is a guest post from the executive producer of theBusDrivaChronicles, but you guys can just call me Eli.  Many people don’t know this, but theBusDrivaChronicles is actually part of a network of blogs, it’s not the biggest and it’s not the smallest, but for some reason it requires the most amount of attention and hand holding in order to get anything done.  Now you can imagine my surprise when I logged on Monday morning, and had a look at what is apparently our “flagship endeavor” around here, only to see that the entire post was about me.  And not how great I am, or how lenient I am, or anything positive like that.  Instead it was about how I am currently caught up, so to speak, in a war of words with the self-titled “Peoples Blogger”.   Now I’m smart enough to know that you don’t really want to argue with Brad, seeing as though he’s an only child, and doesn’t really have anything better to do then drag out these affairs until you finally get bored, and give up.  That of course is when he starts gloating about how “that’s right”, and “next time just listen to me” blah blah blah, and a whole bunch of other irrelevant trash talking nonsense that doesn’t even make sense.  I also know better than to get into a pissing match with him, I won’t sit here and name call or down right make fun of him, we will save that for the “Drama Queen” over there himself, since he’s much better at it then all of us are put together.  Instead I was thinking about the best way to handle this little situation we have on our hands.  A sit down would have been a good idea, if of course we were dealing with a somewhat mature individual, which is just not the case.  Maybe some sort of disciplinary action?  Yeah right, this guy thrives on the threat of discipline.  No, I thought the best way to rebut his statements was to sit down at his desk, take over his forum, and counter his allegations maturely and with facts and truth.  Then let you decide who’s right and who’s wrong.  So here’s what I’ve done.  I’ve restricted his access, and won’t change it back until this post gets X amount of views.  That way he will have no choice but to flyer his Facebook page, his twitter and his BBM list, like he normally does, to promote my side of the story.  I mean after all its only fair right?  When we get to X amount of views, I’ll change his access back, and we can go on with the show, as Brad would say.  I know what you’re thinking, this isn’t the first time I’ve changed his password on him, so why doesn’t Brad just change it so I don’t know it.  LOL, to know the answer to the question would mean you would really have to know Brad.  All of his passwords are the same, and have always been the same, much to my chagrin.  I tell him all the time to change them periodically, and mix them up, but he is worried that he won’t remember them.  It all goes back to his very first computer in the mid 90’s.  A computer BTW I should mention, I got for him.  I think it was 1994, and I upgraded at the house, and asked him if he wanted my old 386, which at the time was a decent piece of equipment.  He said sure, and I came over to his place, and we set it up.  Now he had this little black book he used to keep for his “girls”, but it was more than just a phone book, it had codes, a starring system, “other notes” if you will.  And he spent the next month imputing as well as expanding all these entries into the computer.  Then, and till this day I don’t know why, he decided to password protect it.  To be honest, I don’t even know how he figured out how to password protect it, but he did.  Shortly after, I guess he was looking for a date, or as Brad would say “something to poke on”.  Yes, he still said that, even almost 20 years ago, he really hasn’t changed all that much.  But he couldn’t get into the protected file and called me freaking out.  I laughed, jumped on the bus, came over and fixed it for him, and then made fun of him for it for a very long time.  Since then, he uses the same password all the time, everywhere.  I even recently got him a password keeper program, although I doubt he uses it.  He probably can’t figure out how to unzip and install it.  Which brings me to my first point, has anyone bothered to ask why he has such a mammoth computer for?  There is no need in the world for him to have a computer like he has.  The guy watches old school hip hop videos on YouTube, porn (and lots of it) and writes a Blog once a week.  Yet he bought the biggest, flashiest and most expensive computer he could get his hands on.  And he has no idea how to use it.  Every other week I get a BBM saying, “Eli, my fucking computer is messed again.  I need one of you tech geeks to get down here and fix it”.  That’s actually Brad being somewhat nice, so I send a guy out there.  One week, it wouldn’t turn on, the tech got all the way up there and all he had to do was plug it in.  Why you would ever unplug your computer in the first place, I have no idea, and Brad couldn’t answer that either.  Do you see what I have to deal with around here?

Alright so let’s start with his office, since he cries about it every other week.  He does have one, in fact I’m in it right now.  To be honest it’s not the biggest office we have here, but on the flip side, the guy comes down once a month, if that, and works from home the rest of the time, so why should he be entitled to the bigger offices with the nice views.  That said, it’s not exactly the “mop closet” he insists that it is either.  A lot of people would love to have an office like this, although I doubt it would kill him to dust it once in a while.  The cleaning ladies refuse to come in here because once they moved his chairs around and OCD boy snapped on them for not putting them back exactly where they were.  Hey, do you want to know why he doesn’t come down here?  He will lead you to believe that its way out of the way for him, but the truth is he doesn’t drive anywhere south of Finch Ave. and never has.  He is afraid to drive in downtown Toronto, because “the streets are so narrow, traffic is too chaotic and there are way too many people walking around”.  May I remind you, this is a guy that drives a bus for a living, yet he’s afraid of narrow roads and traffic?  He parks at the station and takes the subway down.  No wonder it takes him forever to get here.  He did drive south of Finch a couple of times, made it to Sheppard even,  of course that was to see a girl, that apparently ended up getting sick of his crap and moved on, so I doubt he will do it again anytime soon.

What else did he cry about?  Oh yeah, business cards and coffee mugs.  For the former, I gave him an order form back in October, and he filled it in and submitted it to me.  When I asked him to correct a mistake he made, he refused.  It said “in what colour”, he checked both “Eggshell”, and “White”. I told him he had to pick one or the other, and he said he “wanted a blend”.  I shook my head and tried to explain why that wasn’t possible, and in true “Diva” fashion he yelled out "Fuck that, make it happen”, and stormed out of the office.  His order form is still sitting here in his inbox, not corrected, probably not even touched since, and that’s why he doesn’t have business cards yet.  As for the coffee mugs, I thought that was a great idea, I did some research and sent him some forms to order them.  He originally wanted 12, then it was 13, then it was 24, then 40.  And not all in one colour either, 1 blue and green mug for someone in San Francisco, 6 pink mugs, 6 black, 2 in this colour, and 1 in that etc. etc.  I repeatedly told him you’re not going to find anyone that is going to fill a ridiculous order like that, pick a colour, and order them.  The usual, “I’m the Busdriva, they should be glad to fill my order” song and dance followed, further illustrating that there’s just no reasoning with this man.  And the order form for the coffee mugs is still sitting right here, right on top of the business cards form.  And speaking of forms, every time there is something to fill out, everyone in the office does it electronically and submits it, but for some reason Brad insists that he gets an actual form, fills in it by hand, and physically has to hand it in to someone.  Whenever anyone asks him why he insists on do things the old fashioned way, he just says, “haven’t you seen I,Robot? This is how it begins”.  Seriously, this is what I deal with.

His Twitter account, LMAO, this argument always makes me laugh.  He wants a verified check beside his name so bad, but it’s just not going to happen. That’s on Twitter, not on me.  Verified accounts are only for “high ranking” celebrities, not “in your own mind” celebrities.  I told him he can apply for one but without a whole lot of followers you’re more than likely not to get one.  And last time I checked 37 followers wasn’t a whole lot of followers.  Brad can stomp his feet and yell as loud as he wants, but he just doesn’t get that Twitter doesn’t care about his only child routine.  He is either going to have to get about 999,963 more followers or just get over it.

Yes, I have his “If I Ruled The World” post, and no I’m not holding it down as some sort of repression or whatever he wants to lead you to believe.  I’m sitting on it because I’m tired of talking to him about checking spelling and proof reading his stuff before he hands it in.  How is someone so articulate and well-spoken such a horrendous speller?  When I open the file all I see are Microsoft’s little squiggly lines everywhere. Red ones, blue ones and yellow ones, and seriously, I don’t even know what the yellow ones are for, and can’t for the life of me find out.  So apparently he screwed something up really bad. I ask him if maybe he didn’t see them there, and he says “fuck Microsoft, they’re idiots, spelling is cool”.  Yeah, trust me, dealing with him gets somewhat redundant now and again.  So I told him, when you spell check it properly, you let me know, and we can go from there.  As a “man of principle”, he refuses.   The post is actually really good, could be one of his best, but his own stubbornness is what is holding it back, not me.

As for his ramifications, let’s face it, he’s not going anywhere.  Yeah yeah, a lot of people would love to have his name and his brand in their stable, but he is a Princess plain and simple, and he knows it.  He also knows no one except a longtime friend of 20 years would put up with his crap.  In fact, I actually enjoy his crap, to an extent.  It’s actually a nice break in the day, a refuge from reality if you will.  If I didn’t know him as well as I did, I wouldn’t believe that he thinks the way he does, but he actually does think differently than the rest of us, and it shows in his writings.  And yes, we do go that far back, which makes this feud he’s starting even funnier.  He forgets that in grade nine I used to cut his hair and we used to put crazy designs in it, and if I look hard enough I can probably find pictures.  He forgets that I took him to get his first tattoo, and yes he cried like a baby. He forgets how many times I was the “designated driver” and he had WAY TOO much to drink, and all the crazy things I convinced him to do at 4  in the morning.  I could write a book on this guy that would absolutely bury him.  Why would he start a beef with me?  And if I did put out a book, his days of serial dating would be over, which leads me to my final point.  Out of all these girls he blogs about dating, has anyone seen any of them?  We know Brad doesn’t use names and that’s fine, but maybe a picture or any proof at all that they actually do exist?  And let’s say for argument he does date this many beautiful women, has anyone ever noticed that he never talks about a second date with any of them?  I’ll leave that to your interpretation.