His Majesty
First on the agenda, I guess this Eli situation should be at least brought up. So He thinks He’s cute does He? Back dooring my blog like that. For the record, I was under the impression we were talking about present day situations, not ancient history. But if that’s the case, does He really think He’s the only one that’s been paying attention all these years? He will get his, don’t you fret, but He will get it on my time, when I don’t have anything better to do, and today’s not that day. Princess? Diva? Only child routine? Ok, ok, the last one maybe, but princess? Diva? You’re setting yourself up to get “JA Ruled” little buddy, plain and simple. You of all people should know, my words are like weapons of mass destruction, and you should tread lightly, because you won’t be the first person I’ve destroyed in my tenure on this Earth, hell you won’t even be the first person I’ve destroyed this month. For the record, since your little Oscar award winning performance last week, I’ve got 3 or 4 different offers to come and join up with hosts that will be a lot more appreciative of my skill set, and one of them even sent me a sample of what my coffee mugs will look like, and I can have as many as I want, in any colour(s) I want. That’s what the fuck I’m talking about. So you better get the ball rolling on BusDrivaTV, and soon, complete with theme music, THAT I GET TO PICK, and a video montage to start each episode off, or I’m jumping ship. As for the rest of your “oh so cute, but not exactly accurate portrayal of me”, when I have nothing better to do then banter back and forth with individuals on a lesser level then I, then and only then, will I will banter back and forth with individuals on a lesser level then I. Until then, sleep well my friend, but remember, Armageddon is coming.The Dryer
On a sadder note. More sad? Whatever the case may be. My roommate and I had to lay down to rest what can only be considered a great appliance. The cost to repair the dryer was only marginally lower than the cost to replace the dryer. Which is a shame too, because that little dryer was a soldier, and gave everything it could give for a very, very long time. It will be missed, and so will the washing machine that unfortunately was collateral damage. The new set got here last week, and it got here just in time. Apparently I can’t go back to that little Landry mat I was going to, but I have no idea why. Here’s what happened. About three days before the new appliances got here, I was at the convenience store getting myself some lotto tickets, when Champ walked in. You remember him, the guy that owns the Landry mat, with the somewhat attractive seamstress, mid to late 40’s wife, that I may or may have not been a little flirtatious with, and all he did was mean mug me and stretch whenever I was in there. So anyway, I’m getting my lotto, and in he walks, but he doesn’t see me at first. He’s smiling, and whistling, and grabbing some Cheeto’s, and then he proceeds to walk up to the cash register, where he spots me, and SNAP, his entire demeanor changes. He drops the Cheeto’s, and starts staring at me, his eyes are glazing over, and he starts taking these long deep breaths, in an attempt to, I would assume, slow his heart rate down. Now I’ve seen enough Kung Fu movies to know what’s about to happen here, so I grab my lotto, and make a run for the door, and like a cat, he’s on my tail. I’m hauling ass up the street, taking sharp turns down driveways, running through back yards, hoping fences, doing whatever I can to lose this guy, all the while, I’m seriously starting to believe this dude IS in fact a Ninja, cause no matter what I’m doing, he’s right there. I get back around the block, and I’m running behind the plaza where it all began, when I see an open door. Now Champ has yet to come around the corner so I figure here is my chance, I dip in the door, and slam it shut. Now I’m in the back of some Italian restaurant with absolutely no plan on how to get out of this situation, when all I can think about is “what’s this guy’s problem?” All I did was spend $10 dollars a day on three different occasions to do my laundry at his establishment, and I shared some pleasantries with his cougar of a wife. This guy has issues that make me look like a calm and rationale human being. After about 15 minutes I figure, surely he must be gone, so I open the door a crack and have a look around, Champ is nowhere to be found, so I pop my collar, and proceed to the front of the plaza. As I hit the car starter, out of nowhere he commando rolls out from the side of the bank, springs to his feet and yells out what can only be described as a “Bruce Lee” like howl. I scream “oh shit”, and dive in the car, just as he jumps in his 1992 Astro Van, where he fortunately has a little trouble starting it up. I peel out of there, and lose him, thank god, but I drive around for about an hour or so just in case. What should have been a five minute trip to the store had turned into a 2 hour episode of “Prison Break”, and this is something I just didn’t have time for, it was after all date night, and I had to get ready. So, yeah, thankfully the landlord got us new appliances, because I don’t think it would be wise for me to step into that Landry mat again. In fact, I’m considering moving somewhere far far away, my life could depend on it. Book Report
I finished that book I was reading. Well, I finished it a couple of weeks ago, but I had to apparently play in the playground with Eli for a bit and I didn’t get a chance to talk about it. As part of a New Year’s Resolution I made to myself, I’m attempting to expand my horizons. I’m picking things that have always been of interest to me, but for whatever reason I never got around to indulging in. First up is Eastern Philosophy. The Author is Alan Watts, and the book is called “Become What You Are”, and no, it’s not some self-help “Anthony Robbins” type of book. It’s a collection of Watts’ offerings from the 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, all in the form of short essays, transcripts of lectures and radio shows, and small stories from Hinduism and Buddhism. And it was actually a perfect starting point, although a fair bit of the books contents are very in depth and some are somewhat even over MY head, the diversity of subjects covered were exactly what I needed to better help me in deciding what direction to go, and where to branch off of from there. From (attempting) to understand Universal Creation, to realizing the unmanageable and uncontrollable (albeit man made) concept of time and the wisdom of understanding that now is the only reality, for the past is finished and the future has yet to be determined, this book just couldn’t be put down. To use fascinating as an adjective just doesn’t do “Become What You Are” any justice, for it was way more than that. The reality and realism contained in this book, while certainly isn’t going to change anyone’s life, not in the West anyway, really makes you look at things a little bit differently, and as Philosophy is meant to do, cause you to think about things, not necessarily more clearly but certainly more deeply. I won’t get into too much on it, because it might not be your cup of tea, but it’s only 150 pages, if that, so if you’re interested pick up a copy and get lost for a few days. How often do I recommend anything, let alone a book? And this one I recommend, if not for the teachings and the messages, then for the adventure that your mind will go on while you are reading it.Super Bowl XXD%RF@GJK ( Whatever, Roman Numerals Suck)
Warm up the wings and chili, chill the “sodas”, and queue up the YouTube, next weekend is Super Bowl 46. You want a prediction? BET OVER. I’m not sure what the line is yet, and I can’t look it up, because, again, there’s no Wi-Fi here, but I’m assuming it will be in the mid 50’s. Again I say, bet over. You’re talking about 2 quarterbacks with a lot to prove and play for this year, and both of them may actually be motivated by the same thing. That same thing could through some twisted labyrinth of thinking be Peyton Manning. How much would Eli like to win it for brotherly competition? And how much does Brady look at the elder Manning and his injury, and think, “wait, we aren’t invincible out here?” Needless to say it will be a fast paced high scoring contest, and if I had to pick a winner, it would be New England. You don’t bet against Tom when there is so much on the line. Regardless of the past, regardless of last week. It doesn’t matter, don’t bet against Tom. He is if not one of the smartest QB’s in the league, THE smartest QB in the league. He’s been there before (but I guess so has Manning), and he may or may not be sensing that he won’t be in the NFL forever (see: Favre, Peyton etc.). But let’s be serious for a second, who cares who wins right? As long as the game is good. Well, no, actually, as long as the music is up, the food is in abundance and the Budweiser girls are “budweising”. That’s all that really matters at the Super Bowl. And Madonna as the halftime act? Hmmmmm…. (Psst, between me and you, I have some inside info, Nicki Minaj WILL show up. She told me when she left this morning). It will be a great evening, soooo…. Maybe I’ll see you there? NBA
Oklahoma City, in a quiet and shocking move signed Russell Westbrook to an extension this past weekend. I say shocking, because a lot of people were under the impression that he would bolt and get him huge money somewhere else, not wanting to play Robin to Kevin Durant’s Batman. And at 5 years and 78 million, I’m pretty sure that makes OKC the “anti-Heat”, if you will. So let’s see, that locks up Durant, Westbrook, and Perkins for a long time. Harden and Ibaka next? Why not, that’s one hell of an athletic, gifted and young team, which if they can stay healthy will bring more than one championship to the once small market, struggling Mid-West franchise. Yeah I said it, more than one, and in case you missed the hidden dig in there, I’ll clarify. Fuck LeBron and the rest of that bitch made boy band in Miami. There’s a roadblock in your plans, and I don’t know if you heartless scrub superstars, and I’m using THAT term loosely, are strong enough to get past the powerhouse that will be the Thunder in a year or two. So you better get yours now, that window keeps getting smaller and smaller by the season.Boys Of Summer
And of course with the Super Bowl, and the NBA all-star game on deck, that means one thing and one thing only. It’s been a long and drawn out winter, but we’ve almost made it. Less than a month to go, and the horns will blare, and the call will come out. “Pitchers and Catchers report to spring training”. I’ve been staring out this damn window long enough already, I want to see some baseball. No, I need to see some baseball. I need it like I need air. Like a car needs gas. I need it like your girlfriend needs me. And it’s almost here. With all but 2 or 3 guaranteed spots decided on the Jays roster, I will start slapping together an in depth analysis of the team, position by position, and what I prospect they will accomplish this season. You may be shocked at what I’m expecting, but hey, its baseball, and until game 1 is over, everyone is in first place. So stay tuned for that in the coming week or two. I guess I didn’t tie up as much loose ends as I wanted to, but that’s the joy that is a remote blog, you never know where it will go. But seeing as though I finished my lunch about an hour and a bit ago, I’m afraid I’m in clear violation of Harvey’s and their no loitering policy. And the last thing I want to entertain today is some 21 year old “Manager” informing me of such. So I got to wrap this up. I have to get home and post this, and then I have to hit the gym, and give the chest a nice pump. And of course tonight is date night, and I’m actually double booked. Got a quick “hey how’s it going” over a coffee and a blueberry fritter right after dinner, then the prime time spot is reserved for someone who has been on deck for a minute and hasn’t complained once about it, so now it’s time for her patience to pay off. Might see you here next week, depending on how the Super bowl party goes, but if I don’t, don’t fret, you know I’ll be back sooner than later. Hit the share button on the way out if you don’t mind. Somehow Eli’s post last week is the highest viewed post we have had yet, and I’m tired of hearing about it. Why so many of you wanted to read about his bullshit depiction of me I’ll never understand. Surely you couldn’t have actually enjoyed it? Wait…. Ahhhhh damn it…..
