One of the main requests I receive as a blog topic is for me to discuss things that annoy the hell out of me as a Bus driver. I’ll be honest, I don’t really like telling folks what I do for a living, because it is quite the topic stealer, and becomes all we talk about for some time. And as much as I love the spotlight, I’d prefer to spend it talking about something other than work. People are often asking me questions about situations that they perceive to be rarities, and are absolutely flabbergasted when they find out that these situations aren’t rarities, but more often normal day to day occurrences I have to deal with. “One time I saw this, or the other day this happened”, and they can’t believe they aren’t shocking me. You’d have to go to the edge of the earth to find a situation I haven’t seen, if not recently, probably even today. So, with that said, I’m going to spend this chilly evening compiling a list, highlighting the most agitating things I have to deal with on a regular basis. So if you have done, or do any of these things, then yes, absolutely, I’m talking about you. Knock it off, your irritating the dog shit out of me!!
Strollers on the busThis is a great place to start. And for clarity, I’m not talking about each and every stroller, because lets be reasonable here, people with little children have to get places too. What I’m talking about are these god damn strollers that are the size of fucking Lexus’s. Let’s look at this for a second, if the kid is 21 pounds, what the holy Christ do you need a 105 pound contraption to shuffle him around town for? I had a BMX when I was a kid, and it didn’t have tires as big as some of these strollers do. And these are the people who get on the bus, and stare at people, as if to say, “Well, are you going to move so I can get by?” If you had a reasonable size stroller, you would be able to maneuver your ass around people. But no, you brought the friggen chip truck of strollers, and now expect everyone to clear out of your way, because you are being inconvenienced. I have news for you, you’re the inconvenience, not the other way around. And why do you have to stand in the narrowest part of the bus, right at the front, beside the driver. Do you have a logic issue? Actually, don’t answer that, obviously you do. Obviously you can’t realize that when you stand there, yapping on your phone, while your son/daughter is sleeping in that log cabin on wheels, no one, NO ONE, can get by. But who cares right, you’re the most important person in the world. We should learn to deal with it.
People on cell phonesI have yet to be privileged enough to hear a conversation that even resembles anything close to being important enough, that the entire bus not only should, but has no other choice, but to listen to loudly and clearly. Seriously, shut up. It’s annoying, it’s rude, and chances are, the more you talk, the dumber you both appear and, there for are. Also, why is it, and I’m not trying to be stereotypical here, that it’s mostly Asian men, or black woman, who insist on talking the absolute loudest on their phones on the bus. Do you see the irony? The two focus groups that are typically the hardest to understand, unless your trained in either mandarin, or whatever you want to call that island gibberish crap, scream in their phones so loud and so fast, that you pause and wonder if anyone is even on the other end. And for fun, next time you see this happening, say something to them. You’ll either get the head nod, one finger up, as if that conversation is almost over, but it’s not. Or you just started the biggest fight you may ever be in. Don’t you know, you are interrupting the most important person in the world?
Know where you are going, before you leave the house No, I don’t know where Jacks Steakhouse and oil change is. Nor do I know where 325 lost Avenue is. I know where this bus goes, and what bus stops it stops at. I may know an extra side street or two along the way, but that’s it. And you know what, I’m not an asshole because of it. Want to know why? Cause I’m not the one going there. You are. So figuring out where it is and how to get there is something you should have done before you left the house. Oh but wait, I forgot, you’re the most important person in the world, whoever you bless with your ignorance should stop everything, and use all of their resources to get you where you are going, and please, do it in a timely fashion, right? Tell you what. Next time you have somewhere to go, and don’t know where it is, spend 15 less seconds looking at gay porn, and Google it. See how much time you save for all of us.
Read the signs96 Wilson Ave to York Mills station. There’s one question I should NOT be asked with this sign up. “Do you go to York Mills station?” 60 Steeles West to Finch Station. Don’t do it…… don’t ask me what station I go to. I’m not even going to get into logic here, like for example, how would said Wilson bus get to York Mills without at some point passing Bathurst, or how our beloved Steeles bus would get to Finch station from Steeles, without the aid of ever useful Yonge Street, that’s already too much thinking for some, so I won’t hold you accountable for that. But blatant questions that you clearly know the answer to, or could know the answer to, if you took a second to have a look at the sign, are almost as annoying as hemorrhoids. Why do we even have signs? They aren’t cheap you know. And they aren’t there for me. They are there for you. How about the 6 signs at Wilson station that say, West bound buses upstairs, East bound buses downstairs? Even if you are assed out lost, you’ve been given a starting point. There is no reason in hell I should have to tell you to go upstairs or downstairs at that station. If I do, you shouldn’t really even be allowed to leave the house, let alone get on a bus.
Let the people on the bus firstIf you’ve exhausted all the possibilities, studied and took in all the information you could, yet still have a question, then I’ll entertain it, but do me, and the rest of the people at the bus stop a favour. Get on last. Especially in the cold, or rain, or what have you. The dozen people behind you shouldn’t have to brave the elements, while you stand there blocking the door, going “ahhh, do you ahhh, go to ahhh, where was it again, ahhhhh”. Stand to the side, gather your thoughts, and when everyone is on, then you get on. But spit it out man, come on. You’re on your way there, you shouldn’t be stuttering, and stumbling through where it is your going. I know, I know, most important person in the world. We can wait. Idiot.
