I Hate Red Lights...............

But hey, at least you get a chance to read your text messages.  That’s about the only good that comes from a red light.  You get anywhere from 30 seconds, to a minute and a half to find that c.d., dig out your wallet, in my case tweet, or do whatever it is you shouldn’t be doing while operating a motor vehicle, thanks to the newly formed ‘driving while distracted” law.  I personally despise red lights, and I’m sure you do too, not because you and I share the same likes and dislikes, because we don’t, but mainly because they are simply exasperative.  I’m off today, so I’m going to delve into what exactly it is about red lights that boils blood, aggravates, and has the ability, in that 30 seconds to a minute and a half, to throw off ones entire day.
First and foremost, above their ability to chafe, red lights are simply put, the most fascist of all the laws embedded in the entire Highway and Traffic act.  Even more so than a stop sign, where there is some assemblance of common sense, rationale, and logic.  When you approach a stop sign, you can quickly interpret the scenario, whether there are other vehicles present, kids on bikes, where am I going.  You take in a lot of information in a short period of time, and while you always have to come to a complete stop, how long you sit there is strictly environmental, and you’re given the power of deciding that, as long as it exceeds the legal limit of 3 seconds.  And anyone worth their weight in bat piss can not only handle this, but does handle this, on such an extraordinarily regular basis, that you don’t even recognize the amount of information you’re cycling through.  Not red lights though.  That’s societies way of saying, “hey ass hat, no one trusts you.  You sit there shut up, and wait.  We will let you know when it’s safe to proceed.  And if you have a problem with that, the incredibly understanding cop hiding behind that light post will be more than happy to use a couple of his resources to remind you that you don’t have a say in this matter, nor are you even allowed to think, we will do that for you, because let’s be honest, you’re an idiot, and will more than probably screw this up.”  Anyone who has gotten one of those tickets knows that that decision wasn’t a cheap one to make, and your insurance company probably wasn’t very sympathetic either.  It’s a collaboration of all the groups in your world that can screw you, being given the opportunity to screw you, for a violation of the traffic act that is the equivalent to the “though shalt not covet they neighbors wife” commandment.  And all because you were running a little late for work.  The same work that allows you the funds to pay all these groups of people, who could at least use a little Vaseline once in a while, when they are having at you.  Wow, after writing that out, it really is one of those nasty vicious cycles isn’t it?
Above their totalitarian appeal, and their annoyances, red lights also wreak havoc on your subconscious, mainly through under lying neuro-associations.  If you’re not sure exactly how a neuro-association works, it’s quite simple really.  When you’re over exposed to anything, especially negative, your inner brain eventually will both relate, and direct you to a feeling, emotion or outcome, that has been proven to be true through repetition.  For example, I have a strong nuero-association to wooden spoons.  When I was younger, that was my mother’s weapon of choice when it came to disciplinary action.  And believe me, it came to disciplinary action very frequently.  To this day I don’t use them, I only buy plastic or metal spoons, and just holding a wooden spoon pretty much makes my ass numb, and I refrain from using profanity, throwing the cat around by the tail, or drinking all the pop in the fridge.  The same thing happens when you come up to a red light.  Ever since you were a child, you were told, don’t cross the street on a red light.  Red light means stop, don’t move.  It’s dangerous. If I find out you crossed the street on a red light, its wooden spoon time.  And whether or not you actively remember that, your inner brain does, and relates the same sense of negativity to your very being when stuck at a red light.  Think about it for a second, how could a red light, consciously cause you THAT much stress.  It was a symbol of action and response.  The action being, the breaking of not only a government law, but the highest order of all laws, the law of “because your mother said so”. (Wow, how Freud…)  And the result being for the first, possibly a citation or fine, and for the latter, whatever your household’s equivalent to the wooden spoon was in my house.  Next is the colour red in itself.  While the perception of colour is subjective, some colours have universal deep seeded meanings.  Colors in the red area of the color spectrum are known as warm colors and include red, orange and yellow. These warm colors evoke emotions ranging from feelings of warmth and comfort to feelings of anger and hostility.  A strong bright red evokes such powerful emotion, that it really is seldom used in day to day offerings, but when it is, think about how impactful it is.  You know that guy down the street that has that amazing red sports car?  If it was white, or black, it would be ok, but since its red, you revert to adjectives such as, “amazing”.  It almost even seems faster than its equivalent in a blue or green.  Or how about a sunset?  A nice sunset alone is enjoyable, but what about when the weather and sun mix accordingly to give it that red hue.   Absolutely breathtaking.  A red light operates the same way.  It takes a mild inconvenience, being held up for a tiny bit of time, in addition to the colour red, totally perpetuating said inconvenience into a much larger scenario than it actually is. 

It’s easy while sitting here writing, far from traffic, to realize how insignificant that small portion of my time actually is.  I know tomorrow when I’m on my way to work and I get stuck at 4 or 5 of them, or tomorrow night while I’m at work, and I have to endure 3 or 4 dozen of them, that my emotions, and anger will get the best of me.  Just as I’m sure, after reading this and understanding that it’s actually a combination of your own narcissism, your lack of respect for authority and your deep rooted affliction of colours that has you upset or stressed out, not the sitting there waiting for the light to change, you will still utter a “Jesus Christ” or a “what the fuck”.  Just relax, its 30 seconds to a minute and a half, even if you have to do it 5 times in one trip, that’s still only 2.5 minutes to 7.5 minutes of your time.  Not a whole lot really, given the fact that there are 1440 minutes in a day.  Besides, don’t you have text messages to read anyway?