So basically Saturday morning some douchebag, whom we will refer to as “douchebag A” from here on out, wakes up, and decides for whatever reason that he is going to find and kill another douchebag, whom we will creatively call “douchebag B”. The reasons are at this point unknown, but probably aren’t overtly important anyway, because the consensus is it was gang related, which means it was probably some serious shit. Like “douchebag B” more than likely, inexcusably looked at “douchebag A” wrong, or GASP, heaven forbid, smiled at his girlfriend. You know, only punishment is death type of behavior. Anyway, around 6 pm that evening, “douchebag A” walks into the food court of the third largest mall in Canada, and oh ya, Toronto’s number one tourist attraction, spots “douchebag B” and opens fire. Now, because “douchebag A” has had the appropriate training one should have before handling a firearm, it only took him 15 shots or so before he delivered the fatal kill shot to “douchebag B”, and in the process effectively winged a couple of his homies as well. Oh, and for good measure, because all this retribution was thoroughly and adequately planned out, “innocent bystanders 1 through 4” were hit and left in critical condition, and “innocent bystanders 5 through 7” were grazed and left with minor injuries, and no doubt a serious phobia of shopping downtown ever again.
Now this appalling behavior has undoubtedly left you very upset, as well it should. And I’m not impressed with it either, but what happened shortly thereafter impressed me even less. First off, our beloved Mayor went on record with a heartfelt statement sending condolences to anyone who was injured, their families, and anyway that was there during the melee, and had to witness/endure this horrific tragedy. I have no problem with this. However, he said one thing I do want to discuss. He said during that statement, and I’m paraphrasing only because I don’t remember it word for word, that this type of behavior is not indicative of behavior in the city of Toronto. He’s only partially right, but more on that in a second. Next up was the Premier of Ontario, with a similar statement. Dalton McGuinty uttered comparable words of empathy to victims, victims’ families, and witnesses too, and finished with a line that sat uneasy with me as well. Something along the lines of trying to make sense of this tragedy in an otherwise peaceful city. Now, I watch a lot of news and I read a shit ton of papers, and I can’t remember the last time both the Mayor and the Premier of Ontario sounded off on a “gangland style execution” ever. In fact, I can’t remember the last time either of these figures had anything to say about any homicide in the city of Toronto. That doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened, it just means I can’t remember. So let me ask you this, if it didn’t happen in their treasured Eaton Center, would either of them have said anything at all? I don’t remember hearing a statement of condolences from the Mayor when Paul Fitzgerald Benn was gunned down in the Sheppard Ave West and Allen Rd area back in May. Nor do I remember Dalton saying that the family of Chris Thompson, the barber who was shot dead back in January in the Neilson Rd and Finch Ave East area, were in the thoughts and prayers of “all Ontarians”. So basically my interpretation is this, if it happens in areas like Downsview or Malvern, it’s not necessarily ok, but it’s tolerable. If it happens downtown though, and in a tourist driven area, well then it’s “all available resources will be used to apprehend this suspect”. I’m sure the mother of Justin and Jerome Waterman, two brothers killed in February in the North York area, would have liked all available resources deployed to find the killer of her sons. I could go on listing homicides for a while here, but I think you get the point. Not one murder should be levied more important than any other, regardless of demographic location, nor regardless of demographic locations economically assessed value. That’s my opinion anyway. But hey, what do I know, right? Ok, here’s what I know, and as of Saturday this is undebatable; if you’re only going to “go through the motions” when this shit happens in the hood, it’s only a matter of time before this shit is going to spill over into the areas you definitely don’t want this shit to spill over into. Oh, and no disrespect to anyone involved in Saturdays fandangle, but innocent people get drawn into this stuff each and every time it happens. I can tell you a couple stories of fellow bus drivers alone that came within feet of gun shots recently. When now, are guns and gun violence going to be taken seriously? How many more “minding their own business” type folks have to be hit before we run shit back to the Wild West Wyatt Earp style of handling stuff like this? Having a gun on you is illegal in this city. Of this there is no debate. So if you get caught with one, there should be no ‘out by Tuesday on bail’ crap. You should just die, plain and simple. Why are we even talking about this? You can’t give me any reason why you have a gun on you other than to eventually take someone else’s life. Sure there are other practical reasons to have a gun; yes a German Luger can make a great paper weight, and yes a Desert Eagle can hold open a door in a windy house, but more importantly, both of these can shoot people eating their lunch in a crowded mall as well. And this we should not be risking. You have a gun, you die, before someone else who doesn’t have anything to do with anything does. It’s simple pro-action vs reaction. Hey, here’s something else for you to chew on. Last year I paid $14,920 in taxes. Why is that important you ask? Be patient and I‘ll explain. Now on Monday, “douchebag A” turned himself in to police, and will be held before a court on one count of murder, and 7 counts of attempted murder. I don’t know what kind of sentence he is going to receive, but I’m going to go ahead and guess it will be a lengthy one. Probably 20 years or so (lol, ya right). Anyway, in 2005, which is absurdly the most recent statistics I can find, the cost of an incarcerated provincial prisoner to the system was $141.78 per day. We won’t even adjust for inflation, but we will round up, just for easy math. $142 x 365 = $51,830. If you just fell off your chair, don’t worry, so did I. And when I was on the floor I realized that in a roundabout way you could rationalize that with my taxes, I’m covering approximately 30% of that. What the hell am I paying for? Well, first and foremost, we have to put a roof over “douchebag A”’s head. And don’t forget, he needs a gym to stay somewhat fit in, and some recreation of sorts. So I’m buying him weights, and a basketball, maybe even a board game or two. Oh, and a blanket and pillow. He is also going to need his teeth cleaned regularly too, and a flu shot probably. FUCK HIM. If I’m going to be forced to buy someone a blanket, find me a kid with a single mother who’s struggling and that HASN’T killed anybody and I’ll take him out and get him a cool ass Batman Blanket. Hell, I’ll get him a ball and a monopoly game too while we’re out. If I have to pay for someone to get their teeth cleaned I’ll take a factory worker, who works hard for his money and doesn’t have benefits, and who also HASN’T killed anybody and pay his dental bill. “Douchebag A” can freeze while he sleeps and die of gingi-fucking-vitis for all I care. Wait, he hasn’t eaten yet. So I got to get him 3 square meals a day too? Do you want to know that I usually don’t get three squares a day? Why? Well, plainly because I’m out there keeping busy and NOT KILLING ANYBODY! This guy for the next 20 years is going to live off of me and 2.3 other people just like me, and he is probably going to live better off then all of us combined. No one picks up my bills and rent, and makes sure I’m eating enough. Where’s the justice again? Maybe I should start killing people. And don’t think for a second I don’t have a kill list either. If you don’t believe me, ask my therapist, although she is a little more concerned about the fact that it’s written in lipstick, but that’s not important here. What is important is that guys that do kill get to live off the backs off all the people out here that don’t, and that my dear readership is just plain ridiculous. This scum bag piece of shit shouldn’t even get a trial. You have eye witnesses galore, video surveillance and he walked in and confessed. Jail time? #FuckOuttaHere. Do you have any idea how badly I want a Lexus? But fuck sticks like this are the main reason I’m being kept (admittingly comfortably) behind the wheel of a tinted Pontiac. Lethal injection, firing squad, electric chair, whatever you chose, it’s way cheaper to myself, and the rest of society. Oh, and it has to be mentioned, it’s kind of fair isn’t it? But no, that’s inhumane Brad, and we can’t have that. What are we hoping for here? Reformation? Or maybe it’s remorse we want? Yeah, I’m sure a sorry from “douchebag A” will make the families involved forget about all of this and move on like nothing ever happened. I mean after all, maybe he didn’t know what he was doing was wrong, or hey, maybe he was peer pressured? Ok, that’s probably it, I’ll cover his cost of living until I’m 54 years old then, since it’s not his fault. Bullshit, he knew that day what he was doing had consequences, and he didn’t give a shit, probably because the consequences he will have to face are better than the life he is living right now anyway, so jail is a way out for him. I know for sure “innocent bystanders 1 through 7”, Mrs. Benn, Mrs. Thompson, and Mrs. Waterman will agree with one thing I have to say here; just as bad as I want a Lexus, those consequences need serious changing, and fast. Preferably before the Eaton Centers become the new inner-city neighborhoods and circumstances like Saturdays do in fact become “indicative of life in Toronto”, our “peaceful city”.
I’m out of here, I have weights to lift, buses to drive, prisoners to pay for and people NOT TO KILL. See you in a couple of weeks. Hang in there……………….
