Six Cents.................


The Situation; Jose Bautista’s batting average is hovering around .200, and he’s not leading the league (or the team for that matter) in homeruns OR RBI’s.  The general consensus is, this is what you should be expecting from him, and the (not so) recent past was just a fluke.
My Ever Appreciated 2 Cents; Bautista is frustrated, nothing more nothing less.  And no, he’s not frustrated with the franchise leadership label or the mediocre play of the Jays thus far this season.  Nor is he frustrated with not living up to the big dollars he’s getting paid or the fact that his credibility is being called out.  What he is frustrated with is the fact that no one is going to pitch to him.  The pitchers in the American League have decided that, regardless of the scenario, they would much rather walk Jose Bautista then have him go yard on them.  So they are throwing him pure junk, repeatedly.  When you’re a big time hitter, as Jose is, and you’re not getting anything to hit, it’s hard god damn work to just sit there and let it happen, so he is going after pitches he would usually not go after.  Pitches that he would previously let go, whether they be balls or strikes, in the event that he will eventually get something decent thrown his way that he can gap or take deep.  The problem is those pitches never come.  But why?  I honestly believe that most of Major League Baseball (players I mean) do not like Jose, and do not want to see him shine.  The fact that he was a journey man turned superstar is something that us fans practically live for, but tends to cause a certain amount of chagrin to other “wanna be” MLB superstars in the making.  Not only future stars but current stars as well.  You don’t think guys like Prince Fielder or Albert Pujols’ are mad as hell at JoeyBats?  He signed a re-up extension with the Blue Jays for a paltry 64 million dollars (over 5 years) the season before Fielder and Pujols’ became free agents.  Both of whom honestly felt their services were worth about 300 million apiece.  You know when that was going on, they were anxiously awaiting the outcome, figuring that Bautista’s contract would set the market up nicely for them.  But 64 million was more than enough for our antagonist, and the moment his pen hit that paper, everyone knew the other two weren’t getting their “expected” incomes.  Prince went on to get 214 million over 10 years, and Pujols’ stunningly got 240 million over the same period (with incentives and such that could drive that number up to 270 over 20).  Those are just two examples of how Bautista just doesn’t “fit in” with the typical “Diva Mentality” of a superstar of our generation.  Here’s a few other facts that drive MLB players crazy about hero; although everyone and their grandmother insists that “he must be on something”, he is regularly tested (by regularly I mean monthly, if not more) and has never pissed anything but urine and vitamins.  He doesn’t only do ads for big name sponsors, he actually prefers to promote smaller, more local outfits like Booster Juice, which we all know don’t have the trillions of dollars to shell out on a face to sell their product.  And most importantly, ask yourself this question, when was the last time you opened the newspaper and read anything about Jose Bautista not directly related to baseball?  You probably haven’t ever.  He doesn’t get caught drinking and driving, he doesn’t have baby mama’s in every state the American League has a team in, and he doesn’t show up on radio and T.V. shows saying stupid shit he knows nothing about.  He plays baseball, and keeps to himself.  And that drives MLB players up the wall.  Other players may have to respect him, but they certainly don’t have to like him, and pitchers apparently don’t have to pitch to him either, and that will frustrate anyone, even a consummate professional like our favorite right fielder.  And as for the “this is what kind of player Jose is” argument, no it’s not.  You will say “sample size” and fluke, I will say 2.5 years is not a sample size it’s reality, and flukes aren’t consistent.  Bautista is both real and consistent, and I’ll throw legit in there just to make you mad.  By the All-Star break he will have this figured out, he will have a new plan of attack, and his numbers will level off.  If you have a farm, bet it, it’s easy money.

To Rim Or Not To Rim
Synopsis; Ever since I made the plunge into the Smart Phone world, I have been a loyal Blackberry user, but RIM sure as hell don’t make it easy for me to stay one.

My Always Dependable 2 Cents; I have been with RIM now for 37 months, and in that time I have gone through 3, count ‘em, 3 blackberry’s. Since I don’t want to fall under the old adage of “fool me three times, I may let you fool me a fourth”, I’m starting to shop around.  The only problem I’m having is finding a reason not to sell out and go Apple.  Between you, me and the ceiling fan it may actually happen though.  Samsung is making a valid sell on being my new best friend, based solely on the impression I’ve gotten from my Galaxy Tablet, which for the record is fucking amazing, but the IPhone, with all its idiosyncrasies, is time tested and true, so I don’t know yet.  But what is it about Blackberry that I’m continually frustrated with?  Well, the quicker question to answer is the alternative, why do I stay with them?  The one and only reason is simple, BBM.  BBM may in fact be the greatest instant messenger the internet has ever seen, and anyone that is on my BBM knows I take my position as a BBM member seriously.  I take pride in my deep knowledge and passion for vintage hip hop classic one liners when determining my daily status, and change my profile picture on average twice a day.  I will usually post a picture of a naked hottie I stole from twitter when I wake up in the afternoon, just to let everyone know I’m up, if they care (which they usually don’t), and then switch to a stock photo of me if I’m working that night, or a new picture of me currently if I’m on my day off (hence spawning the nickname “Mr. Self Shot”).  If I do switch companies, I will miss this ritual, and will probably have to switch to heroin just to get me through the withdrawal.  There’s also the simple fact that, for some reason or another woman are more apt to send naked pictures of themselves through this form of communication.  There’s absolutely no rhyme nor reason for this, but it is 100% true.  The best part about BBM though?  The fact that if you only have someone’s BBM pin for contact purposes, and you decide you can’t fucking stand them anymore, just delete, then block, and they have no way of ever bothering you again.  Gone are the days of receiving annoying text messages saying “I’m pregnant and I think you’re the father”, or everyone’s favorite, “the police want to talk to you because I’m actually only 15”.  You know what, after reassessing the situation, I may have to stick to Blackberry after all.  I may have to put up with the ridiculously stagnant web browser, the nefariously short battery life, and the rationale that a battery pull is a technical solution, just because I love my BBM so dearly.  What a tangled web indeed.
I Put Lamborghini Doors On That Escalade

What Happened; I was driving the bus the other night, and was parked at a red light.  An Escalade pulls up beside me and I have me a nice look.  Now, I’ve always liked the Escalade, but it has a secure place on the list of cars “Brad will probably never own in his life time”, but that doesn’t mean I can’t window shop, does it?  Anyways, as it pulls away, I see a Hybrid logo on the side…..

The 2 Cents You’ve Been Waiting For; I recently petitioned Webster’s online dictionary to include a picture of a guy riding a Vespa beside their definition of “douchebag”.  I would like to change my view, if it’s not too late.  A Hybrid Escalade?  I don’t even know where to begin with this one.  How about the fact that in my entire life I have only come across one thing stupider than a Hybrid SUV, that of course being the fact that the word phonetic isn’t spelled phonetically.  But a Hybrid Escalade?  Let’s look at some stats real quick; base price Escalade, 80 grand (probably the number one reason it’s on the “will not own list”), Hybrid version, 95 grand.  Ok, so 15 g’s to be environmentally friendly, but how much “friendly” does that get you?  Litres per 100 km for the regular Escalade, 15.3 city, and 10.1 highway.  Hybrid version, 10.5, and 8.9.  Congratulations nutsack, you just paid how much money to be considered a tree hugger, and the reality of it all is you get the same fuel rating that I get in my Pontiac, which by definition is a “gas guzzler”.  Before you go and get your soap box out and start yelling at me, let me state; I’m not trying to compare my car to these dope rides, because there is obviously no comparison. I’m just trying to make it clear here that you are not an environmentalist.  Not even close.  “Well, every little bit counts when it comes to the environment”.  Shut the fuck up, moron.  No one has ever bought an Escalade, and said, “Oh my, this thing is really heavy on the gas, I fear for the environment”.  If you buy an Escalade you’re doing it because you have way too much money to begin with, and obviously will have plenty left over to fill the tank every day and a half.   If you’re buying an Escalade Hybrid you’re doing it simply because you’re an idiot.  Why would they even make these in a Hybrid version?  To me the only vehicles that should qualify for Hybrid technology are vehicles that actually register a significant difference in fuel consumption from everything else that is on the road.  That way, the price of the technology is justified, and the Hybrid logo has a bit of credibility.  Taking something from say 9 or 10 litres per, down to 5 or 6 litres is doing something serious for the greater good of the planet. Taking something from 15 litres per to 10 is just fucking insulting.  I think everyone out there knows that I don’t really care either way about stuff like natural resources, or greenhouse gases, or for that matter, I don’t really care about anything at all, but there are a shit ton of people out there that do, and I have a hard time believing that ludicrous rationale like this somehow gets by, and no one but myself questions it.  Sometimes I really wish I had a little bit more ambition, I could seriously make some changes if I did. If I actually cared I could earnestly fix some of the world’s problems, and probably become a very wealthy man doing it.  Then maybe I could afford an Escalade.  “Hey, does this come in Hybrid?” 
That’s my 6 cents.  I’ll see you guys in a couple of weeks.  Til then, hang in there……………………